Communication mechanics include more than knowing which perspective a person is speaking from and for.
There are many tangible and trackable parts and pieces of conversation which help us guard against our own histories and internal alchemy sabotaging what we are currently trying to communicate.
Communication is taken in through our five senses
System of Human Communication:
External Events are taken in through or more of our sensory input channels.
These five senses are the only channels through which our physical bodies can receive information. As we take in stimuli, it’s beneficial to understand the source and splintering results. Even though most people have access to all five senses, it’s also important to clarify which are personal favorites… and which are not.
People who make decisions based on certain sensory channels will trust that they are being heard if we use the same sensory words, whereas conflicting sensory words may provoke them (or you) to feel annoyed or think less of the other person.
When there is conflict in sensory language, we may consider the other person silly or pointless or thick.
While these five senses are commonly used, our sensory input is quite a bit more sophisticated than the five senses overview allows.
- If we’re a thinker (someone who values the rational data being fully processed before a decision is made), we may not have great respect for people who are feelers.
- If we’re a feeler, a lot of times, we classify people who are thinkers as those who don’t get the big picture.
- Both decision making paradigms are valid to the person using them. Typically, everyone uses what they use to process conversation on purpose, and they’re happily living their lives without the necessity of being more like you.
We all have a justification for the channels, tools, and processes we use to understand each other. The fact that one person doesn’t understand why another person makes decisions — doesn’t mean that there’s not a valid reason for their decisions (even if they’re dead wrong).
Offering a moment for self-assessment,
- Which senses do you prefer to reference in communication?
- Which sensory language do you use, and what are the parts of sensory language you dismiss?
As we take in information through our senses, those words and actions are immediately processed without thought or intent by our filters, boundaries, and signals which we have come to trust through our life up to this point.
Conversation then passes through our Filters
System of Human Communication:
Our brain translates the signals from our sensory receivers through our unconscious filters.
These filters include our attitudes, beliefs, distortions, values, memories, assumptions, generalizations, hopes, dreams… whatever it is that we have translated our sensory input’s history. Any and all input goes through our filters, and our words are received through the listener’s filters as communication.
Our filters not only determine what we understand when others are talking to us, but they also formulate the manner with which we deliver a response.
Offering a moment for self-assessment
- What are some of your favorite filters to use?
- Which filters drive you crazy when people use them in communication with you?
Know yourself to know others.
Once the information comes in and is filtered, that creates our version of the experience, which is rarely (if ever) exactly what took place.
Your version of the event: who, what, where, when, why, and how of the experience
System of Human Communication:
The details and parameters of the event are sorted and filed into memory category (or categories).
This is what we call a memory. Ironically, the mechanics of memory are as much a result of our self-talk or internal processes as they are based on the details of what externally took place. In fact, it’s worth repeating that our memories are never exactly what took place, but rather it is the version of what took place which we have recorded in our minds.
Memories are a part of communication, because they are stored in our mental files as the event is taking place. Even though there are tools to adjust past memories, it’s always harder to fix a false or inaccurate version of what took place once we have them stored in our mental video archives.
The movies we create of our experiences become firm and absolute with repetition, but they are never exactly the same as the last time we played them in our minds. Memories change every time we recall them.
Some of our past experiences are painful, frightening, or sad because that is a reflection of what really happened. Even when our version of an event is completely accurate, it doesn’t require that we have to experience the same feelings every time we remember it. Skilled communicators are able to free their memories from the state/filter/emotional experience we were having when the event occurred.
Emotional State that you’re Currently Experiencing
System of Human Communication:
External event, having passed our conscious and unconscious filters to make a version of the event combines with the state we are experiencing. These are typically stored together. The sensory input, filters, and state at the time are packaged as an experience.
Our current emotional state can determine what color, texture, scent, taste or tone we wrap the conversation into – before storing it as an event memory.
Our current mental state affects the version of our event in the present, how that event will pull up in our memory, how we’re going to experience the recollection of the event down the road, and how we process what our next steps should be – based on the initial conversation.
Quite simply put, if we’re in a bitchy mood, a common interaction can be translated into an offensive statement for no other legitimate reason than our mood causing us to listen defensively. Often, the other person’s statement was just an innocent observation while they were going about their day. People make statements that come across as something that is less than considerate, because they weren’t considering how their words would be received when they said whatever they said. Usually other people aren’t thinking of you at all when they speak, they’re just living their life and you happened to be in their presence at the wrong time – it’s nothing personal. They were busy living their life and had trauma on their mind during the conversation… just like me… just like you.
If our current state affects our memory (as well as our version of yesterday’s events), then it is often likely that we made conflict a serious problem all on our own. Sorry to give bad news, but we do each have the ability to let it go. As we develop the internal skillset to intentionally communicate well through adjusting self sabotaging bad mechanics, we gain foundational control of our superpower. Personal hang-ups make us less productive in the long run anyway. Besides, through sloppy communication, we are only creating the wrong filters for our next encounter. Know what you’re working with, and use it wisely.
Personal Assessment
Mechanics of Communication Personal Assessment:
- What are some of the general categories I use to classify people as who I’m looking for or enjoy?
- Which mechanics of conversation lead me to use the phrases, “pain in the ass” or “fun person?”
- Are these self-created filters being created because I say them, or are they tied to the conversation’s facts?
Filters wrap up memories based on the state that we are in when we stored the memory. A past state can dramatically affect present and future experiences.
- What filters am I currently creating through situations and relationships that I have experienced?
- How would I rate my communication accuracy, and which parts of my mechanics seem to consistently influence my memory more than they should?
- What is holding me back from recording memories more accurately, and could some mechanical adjustments help me function more directly in line with the life I want to experience?
We receive about 2 million bits of information per second, but only process and internalize 128 of those bits. Statistics like this have the potential to be quite powerful. It means that we process 0.000064 percent of what is happening around us. Put another way, we miss 99.9936% of what we experience. That is a lot of missed communication signals.
Use the human mind we’ve been given; Turn it into an excellence machine by managing autopilot functions, and keeping an eye out for the best way to use other people’s auto-pilot to understand and respond toward clarity. We can, through adjustments of our default settings, become a super-communicator.
It’s the processes that we function within (when we’re not thinking about it) that creates what we remember as our life.
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