Yes, that was used because the Matrix rocks! Also; Knowing myself is the launch pad that must be secure before we can ever create rapport solid enough to play a productive game of conversational catch.
Reality doesn’t matter, only the perception of the person across from us. If we’re told that we are throwing the ball too hard, it doesn’t matter if we’re throwing it lightly… their perspective defines how we are perceived.
In order to understand others, it is vital that we admit who we are, know what we believe, choose what we’re going to focus on – and change or enhance whatever mental framework in which we currently exist to cooperate enough to throw and catch.
Self-Assessment
This game of catch gets messy when we need to know ourselves in order to accurately read others.
True self-assessment is painful. It can intrusively expose areas that we have likely given great effort to cover. A raw view of myself and a raw assessment of what parts of me are strong as well as what parts are weak can create the potential that (every once in a while) I may need to put the book down and get myself a cup of coffee or something stronger to drink.
As with anything of worth, we do the hard work on the front end or on the back end. The longer we wait, the higher the cost when we get around to doing what we have avoided.
How we are Viewed, and How we View Others
How we are viewed, and how we view others, comes complete with general assumptions and information filters – all mixed up with experiences from the past.
The way we envision ourselves is not always in line with the opinions held by the person across the table.
Allow for Narcissism
At some point in this book, the risks of situational narcissism in modern communication must be identified.
Celebrities are often thought to be afflicted with this disease, but it is not relegated to those with great popularity. Our newfound ability to completely control which voices are in our ears, when and how they get to speak to us, and that we each carry the ability to be surrounded by those who always agree with us creates selfish blindness.
It is seductive to close our eyes to all views except our own, and believe that everyone else’s knowledge and beliefs carry reasoning inferior to our own, but few of us would accept that we carry this syndrome of situational narcissism. As gross as it is, we each carry it at times.
The lack of personal contact facilitated by our Internet’s communication is making this disorder available to everyone.
It is becoming common.
It is worth resisting.
We Often Deceive Ourselves
We often deceive ourselves when dealing with difficult, as well as beloved, people.
We assume they will change once we share what we have in our minds because they would see things just like us if they could only understand what we know.
The solution to this puzzle is to have a firm grasp on yourself because the self is the only piece of this conversational game of catch that any of us truly have control over. Besides, no one sees the world in the same way.
This is why even a friendly chat can become so messy before anyone knows what went wrong.
It’s because we’re selfish
We each think of ourselves as a vast and glorious combination of unforeseen factors which are unique to our experience.
We justify this perspective with optimistic recollections of the “tough circumstances” that have influenced our path – all of which have made us into who we are and determine how we play the conversational game of catch.
Yet, while we optimistically frame these translations of our past, we pessimistically frame the translations of others’ past as they should have been handled better. As with most points of reality, truth is more universal than our personal view allows.
Personal Examination is Long and Slow
Like most areas of personal examination, people like St. Francis de Sales are correct in saying, “True progress quietly and persistently moves along without notice.” That is how our development as communicators takes place.
Every once in a while, it is vital to have a tune-up and clear the cobwebs out of our communication engines, and change the fluids that keep us moving in the right direction.
This is not a task to be checked off when conquered, but a skill to develop throughout life. This training is intended to be a resource to better understand what’s happening when we communicate.