Negotiation Preparation
Negotiation is a Conversation, which is just like a Game of Catch
No matter what the conversation is about, it’s just a game of catch.
- You throw out a thought like a ball (a statement or question).
- They catch it (and listen).
- They throw a response back to you, and the game of catch is on.
It doesn’t always work perfect. There are times you throw a few balls, and they catch and arrange them on their desk. By the time you notice they’re not throwing anything back, they have checked out and started to become overwhelmed. Like a fun game of catch, you need to stop throwing balls and politely ask them to throw one or two back before you can go on. That’s how catch works.
Some people play catch wrong…
- “Pelters”: If you’re someone who goes into a meeting and starts pelting balls/comments at everyone… there are people who are beat down enough, that they’ll actually take it… and buy from you. You will (however) never experience long-term success, satisfaction in your business, or provide customer service because no one healthy in their interpersonal communication should enjoy being around you – it’s like conversational bullying.
- “Hoarders”: Hoarders take all the balls tossed at them, and hold onto them (and don’t offer anything back). There may be some (Pelters) who will enjoy “interacting” with them (hoarders), but long-term success is virtually impossible because “hoarders” only take.
Conversation is a game of catch—enjoy the game.
Use tools that simplify and streamline time invested:
- Run an 3 Min Pre-Appointment Search on participants that RSVP for an event. You will save hours per month in small-talk/lead-up chats – if you recognize someone that you researched, and lead the conversation. Websites and social networks offer powerful tools to research their backgrounds, current and previous colleagues, as well as activity preferences… use them.
- Takes notes as you go: It is often difficult to clearly remember the details from a conversation when it is time to follow up. Since the only thing you typically recall is what’s written on their business card—take 30 seconds after each conversation to make notes on the back of their card.
- Listen for whether or not you would enjoy doing business with them. Quit sizing everyone up based on whether you can sell them what you offer. Start to consider if you would enjoy doing business with them, and then look for complementary opportunities. When you really listen to them, you will hear the buying signals given by a potential client.
- Always have a prepared exit strategy: When you’re stuck, standing in front of a time waster—listen to their story, give a referral… and walk away. Again, a referral is a great escape. You don’t have to refer a real person by passing on their contact information, home address, and children’s names. Offer a business concept, a potential income channel, or an introduction to another networking group (that is full of time wasters like them)… almost anything that is articulate will work well—as long as “excuse me” is immediately followed by walking away.
Framing the Conversation
We create frames/assumptions/expectations around whatever social engagement we encounter. These are natural and good. A frame is the outline and boarder for the conversation we are in. We know what to assume, how to talk, what jokes are appropriate… we frame the conversation with our personal history.
When extraordinary or common events occur – we want to attribute meaning…
- The meaning is determined (for the most part) by the “frame” or “framework” our memories of interpreted actions and recalled emotions are built around
- When we change the frame, we altar how we perceive the circumstance (can be confusing for self/others)
- When we change the frame after an occurrence – we change how we feel about our memory of the event
- Frames are best built before giving thought to an issue. Here are three to use:
1. “What’s the Solution” Frame:
- Many times what we give attention to – is what ends up happening (even if we don’t want it to)… why?
- If you focus on and talk about the problem – the problem grows unless the focus is to find a solution
- Our focus and words give power to the object of our focus and words
- If we give our energy to the feeding on the problems (rather than a solution), our frame (boundaries) for future experience will be based on our mental history (starting with the problem)
2. “What I hear you saying is…” Frame:
- This is the marital counseling frame – greatest tool to combat miscommunication I’ve found
- There is no better way to make sure you are on the same page with your conversation partner – as completing the phrase, “What I hear you saying is…”
- Listen to their response (listen for the disconnects – not your priority)
- Find a single point of agreement/connection (which we call a baseline for the conversation)
- Use that point of common connection as a base & move forward with resolution
- This is simply repeating back to them what you hear them saying & listening to what they tell you… believing that what they’re giving as a response is just as aimed at clarity as your statements.
3. “Let me ask a question” Frame:
- The reality of confusion in conversation is that one or more parties are either
- Using different words to say the same thing (from different perspectives), or
- In disagreement
- When disagreement (or lack of clarity) take place, the only response is to identify the point of confusion and work through it. Not everyone agrees, but everyone should be clear on what they are agreeing to.
- We want to make sense of everything that happens to us – help your client achieve this
Sales Tip: Who goes 1st in Negotiation?
I’ve heard, “Never be the first one to give an offer during negotiation, because you may be too low.”
There are circumstances in which this is true, but the one who goes first also sets the bar. There have been a number of times that I’ve allowed my prospect to give what they were expecting to spend (before I give the cost). It’s almost always so low that I find myself struggling through the rest of the negotiation to pull it up to the point that I need to cover my costs. A happy middle ground is found by getting their approximate budget up front… offer ranges (from $100-$200 or $500-$1,000 or whatever ranges fit your business). A film producer I worked with offers, “You can have 2 of the 3… Good, Cheap, or Fast—but you only get two of the three.” Set the bar.
Assess States and Emotions
What state-of-mind are you in?
- On Monday Mornings? _______________________________________
- When you have a face to face meeting with a new prospect: ____________________________
- On Friday Afternoon? _________________________________________
What is my current state?
Physically: _______________________________________________________
Mentally: _______________________________________________________
Behavior arises out of your state
- Some states make behavior difficult to do anything productive
- Some states make the most daunting tasks seem effortless & fluid
- What are some of the factors that go into making your state one that will make your behavior as productive and fluid as possible?
_______________________________________________________
How do we create our states?
- Mentally Define our States as something we are experiencing (not what’s happening to us).
_____Breathing (experience)_____________
_Muscle Tension & Posture (trigger)______
Choosing your state is not “looking on the bright side”, but rather seeing our state as ‘action signals’ that are directing us to awareness for what our body and mind are experiencing (and which require our attention).
Recognizing the states of others: Look around the room and tell what states each person is in currently.
Provoking an optimal state in others takes one of two paths:
- Thinking yourself into a new state (imagine a time when…)
- Acting yourself into a new state (get up & move, vary breathing by changing topic)
Since you can’t always know the state you’re in… have set replies for the most common interactions.
Cut or Reinforce your Personality Anchors
Behavioral Flexibility:
We create connections in our brain “Anchors” that tie an internal response with an (internal or external) experience. These almost always have a point of legitimacy, or they would not have been created.
When the response seems disproportionate to the situation – there is usually an Anchor involved
- What do you respond to (that others see as disproportioned)?
- Bad Feelings: __________________________________________________
- Good Feelings: __________________________________________________
Other People: when you notice someone has a response that doesn’t seem reasonable; recognize that they are having an anchor drag, and your response is to be flexible in your behavior… it’s not all about you, even though you’re the one in control (if you’re willing to be flexible).
Recognize the following anchor signals (when you’re setting an anchor): Uniqueness of Stimulus, Intensity, Purity, Timing, Context (they only work in the context they are created).
Be Sensitive to your Surroundings
“The most important thing in communication is to hear what is not being said.” (quote by Peter Druker)
Observation: is what you notice with your five senses
Interpretation: is when you create a conclusion about what that information means/intent behind the action
- We all have skills set up to calibrate how these function together, we just aren’t conscious of them
What to pay attention to in Developing your Calibration Skills
- Your Posture: What are your default positions when you are excited, alert, relaxed, etc.
- Physical Tells: Purposeless movements… gestures, jiggles & taps of appendages, location and depth of breath, pitch, tempo, rhythm and volume of voice (record yourself if you need to)
View of others
Behind every behavior is positive intention (somewhere)
- People make the best choices available to them
- At that moment
- With their history
- Knowing what they know
- In their belief structure
- With the resources at their disposal
- Viewed from their frame of reference
- People make the best choices available to them