Seek to understand, then be Understood
In order to understand others, you must admit who you are. Know what you believe. Choose what you focus on. Change or enhance (when necessary) whatever state you are in. Learn the process by which the internal movie of your outside reality is created, and focus on the only part of that internal screenplay that you are truly in control of… yourself.
If your internal or external dialog leading up to an appointment is, “This person is a pain in the butt”, or “I don’t want to deal with them” or “I can’t believe that they don’t do [this or that] to make it better”… you’re polluting the conversation with outside factors that have nothing to do with your purpose. These pollutants will do nothing besides cloud your mind. Simplify; adjust your focus to their perspective and you can engage them as they are. This creates one variable (the customer), rather than two.
You will be the one in control, because you’re the one who is flexible and free to engage them as they really are (even when they can’t see themselves).
We often deceive ourselves when dealing with difficult (or even loved) people because;
we assume they will change once we share what we have in our mind—because they would see things just like us if they could only understand what we know.
The solution to this puzzle is to have a firm grasp on yourself, because self is the only piece that you truly have control over. This is the soil your Brand grows out of.
For Instance: Target Perspective Assessment of my Brand
Even as I read this; I catch myself thinking of specific people who need to change. How do I handle people who demand my attention, and yet all that I struggle with is based on their words and their actions (and their brokenness I don’t have permission to fix)?
- How does their understanding of my past experiences draw and/or repel that individual?
- What am I trying to fix or grow or ignore in that person (is it business or personal)?
- If nothing ever changes—will my life be better to struggle, compromise, or give in?
Test Questions: (sometimes making it a game, makes it easier)
- Walk through each trouble client and ask:
- What is my purpose in engaging him or her?
- What is in my control to make it more fun?